It’s that time of year again; time to get a present for the most important lady in your life. Maybe this is the year you decide “No! No more flowers!” and go for something a little more…creative. Here are some (tongue-firmly-in-cheek) options for offspring who feel like living life dangerously.
Personal safety is extremely important, so why not give your mum the gift of security that also looks good? This Hello Kitty taser is a specially personalised one, but regular ole pink models are readily available. However, tasers are illegal in the UK. If you’re reading this in the US though, merrily purchase away. She’ll be the terror of the neighbourhood.
Maybe your mum is of a certain age, and really into cats – you might think, then, this robe is perfect! Floor length, plushy, declaring “Cat person”, it’s a gift that everyone can get behind (until you leave, and she bursts into tears at what life has become).
Let’s face it, being responsible for another human’s development for 18 years (often more!) is no easy task – it’s enough to drive anyone to drink. Help a gal out with this wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine. It’s brilliant for Christmas, funerals, and passive-aggressive family get-togethers.
This year you thought “I love my mum so much, I literally want to give her a heart.” So you found this beautiful decorative object – preserved with love in a jar, bought from an Ebay seller with ‘666’ in their username. She managed to unwrap half of it before puking everywhere. You decided this meant she really loved it.
It would be really cool to get your mum an audience with the world’s most powerful man, but it’s a bit tricky. Instead get her this toilet paper, and she can snatch a couple of minutes with him through every day, no matter how busy. It might feel a bit weird at first, but it’s funny what you get used to.
Milk Tray is so boring. Why not go for the ultimate chocolatey treat (or SHOCK-olatey treat, if you will) – chocolate-dipped pork rinds. They’re described as a ‘high protein, low-carb treat’ which also makes them basically healthy. Health – the greatest gift!